Resume Process

21 Jul 2008 | 1 comment »

Have you ever wondered why creating a resume feels so much like a swift kick to the groin? Or like the 3′oclock diarrhea run to the bathroom?

I often wonder that… maybe it’s because of the taxing and often painful process of remembering every single boring and mundane detail of your previous job that you pretty much hated like a bad mother-in-law. I mean, the last thing I want to do is remember it, right?

Maybe it’s because of low self-esteem… I mean, I feel that my entire existence is validated on a eight and a half by eleven piece of paper with fancy typefaces and bullets. I can already feel the scrutinizing eyes of the HR generalist, who probably isn’t getting paid enough to tell people like me in a nice way, “nice try loser, think again.”

My entire life in 2 and a half paragraphs. Epic fail.

But then it dawns on me (after 2 and a half Venti Mochas from Starbucks) that resumes can be fun! Oh wait. Just kidding. If you’re like me (and by that I mean you work for the “real” Big Brother) then not only are you required to provide every detail of every job (even bagging at the local grocery store when I was 15) but also every time I littered and wasn’t caught. The government is some serious poop.

Unfortunately for me (and many of us), resume development and the revamp process is a yearly exercise in patience and anger-management. But hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?